Sydney Anderson - Notre Dame Lacrosse
You do not realize how much you loved something until it is gone.
“I fell in love with the game of lacrosse in 7th grade. After years of dancing and figure skating, one of my friends convinced me to try out for the lacrosse team. My freshman year of high school I set a personal goal to play Division I lacrosse. I was determined to achieve this goal and worked day in and day out to improve my game. I committed to the University of Notre Dame my sophomore year of high school and I was thrilled to have the opportunity to compete at such a great school. I am from North Carolina which is not a traditional lacrosse hot bed, so committing to an ACC school was a big deal. I had a great high school career earning All-American honors and leading my team to its first state championship. Coming in as a freshman at Notre Dame I did not expect to play a lot.
Although I did not expect to get a lot of playing time, I did not realize how much not playing would affect me mentally. I went from never sitting a minute on the bench in high school to sitting the whole game in college. I struggled with my confidence and started doubting my abilities on the lacrosse field. Going to practice made me extremely anxious, I felt that I had to play perfect in practice if I ever wanted to get on the field. The combination of my lack of confidence and anxiety greatly affected my performance.
My sophomore year, I was determined to improve. Despite my efforts, I still did not see time on the field. I quickly found myself dreading going to practice and unmotivated in both the weight room and classroom. I had a hard time concentrating and was extremely tired all the time.
Junior year rolled around and I began focusing on the things that I could control. My effort, my attitude, and my individual game. I started gaining more confidence and began seeing a little more time on the field. Despite seeing the field, I still did not love lacrosse as much as I loved it in high school. I was still struggling mentally and emotionally and realized that it was not only affecting my performance in lacrosse, but also my social life and academics. Being a psychology major, I decided that I should see a sports psychologist. I had a hard time accepting that I was struggling mentally. I constantly thought that I should not feel depressed or anxious, afterall I am playing Division I lacrosse at an amazing school, getting good grades, and have a great group of friends. After lots of work in therapy and starting an antidepressant the fall of my senior year, I was finally starting to enjoy the game of lacrosse again. I started looking forward to going to practice with my 34 best friends. This year's team was unique, it was special. We had all the parts to win a national championship and we knew it. Things were starting to fall in place. I focused on finding my love for lacrosse again and did not care how much playing time I was getting. My senior class beat Northwestern for the first time. We went into spring break undefeated and ranked #2 in the country. This was right around the time where the coronavirus started to escalate in the US. We flew to Vanderbilt for our second game of spring break. Despite the chatter in the lacrosse community about the potential of canceling seasons, our team was focused and ready to beat the Commodores. After a great win, we began preparing for UNC (the #1 ranked team). Following our film session at the hotel, our coach told us to stay in our seats and flip our phones over. The whole team instantly broke into tears. In a matter of minutes, my college lacrosse career was over.
My career at Notre Dame was not what I expected it to be. In many ways I am grateful for that; I have grown in so many facets of my life. I have learned that vulnerability is indeed strength and sports are not all about playing time or stats. I have learned that it takes every individual on a team to be successful, no matter what role they play. My experience has transformed me into a resilient young woman and for that I am forever grateful.
Although my senior season was abruptly cut short, I am so proud to have been a part of such a special team. If I have learned anything from this experience it is that you have to live in the moment and cherish the time you have playing your sport with your team because you never know when it will end. “
