Reflections: Meredith Chapman
My name is Meredith Chapman, and I’m a collegiate lacrosse player at the University of Virginia. I only started playing lacrosse in 9th grade after a teammate on my club basketball team encouraged me to try out for my high school team. After making the JV team, I was further persuaded to try out for the local club team, Carolina Fever. Here, I was naturally introduced to the recruiting process and collegiate lacrosse. Because I started playing so late, the whole process was super stressful. In the end it all worked out, though, as I ended up committing to High Point University the summer before my senior year of high school.
I competed at High Point for 5 years, receiving my 5th year of eligibility due to a mental health redshirt that I took during my freshman season. During my final season, the COVID-19 pandemic hit, and the season was devastatingly cut short - I was about to complete my MBA and continue on to nursing school to become a nurse practitioner. Luckily, the NCAA granted an extra year of eligibility to all athletes whose season was cut short by the pandemic. When this happened, I immediately knew that I wanted to play one final season of the sport I loved since high school. Ideally, I wanted to compete somewhere I could receive my nursing education as originally planned, so with this in mind, I chose the University of Virginia.
The transition to UVA was about as wonderful as I could have asked for, maybe even better. My coaches at both UVA and High Point were all so supportive and excited about this next chapter in my life, and my teammates were extremely welcoming. Stepping into the Atlantic Coast Conference (ACC) was a transition I was looking forward to, as it is the highest level of lacrosse competition in the NCAA. All in all, it felt like I was exactly where I was supposed to be to finish out my collegiate career.
After competing for six years, I obviously remember the big wins and the hard losses, but what I walk away most grateful for are the relationships I formed and the character building journey I was able to go on. Every teammate I had the opportunity to play with, from the seniors during my freshman year at High Point to the freshmen during my sixth year at UVA, made an impact on my life in some way. Even the teammates I haven’t seen in years or don’t speak to every day left me with memories of kindness they showed me, lessons they taught me, or laughs they brought me.
Looking back, however, my lacrosse career was far from perfect, and I certainly encountered my fair share of obstacles. My freshman year transition to High Point went wonderfully with a fall semester about as good as I could have hoped for, but when I returned in the spring, something felt different - I wasn’t able to put a finger on what exactly it was. I found myself dreading going to practice, and I felt as though I had the weight of the world on my shoulders. I remember thinking prior to every practice, every drill, and every play that I had to be perfect or I was a failure. This performance anxiety left me drained and in tears almost every day after practice.
With the support and guidance of my coach I began to see the team sports psychologist. When I first started, I didn’t want any of my teammates knowing that I was seeing a therapist because I didn’t think I needed to be going in the first place. I thought practicing harder and doing a few more reps of each drill would bring me out of my rut. It was only after a few sessions with the psychologist, though, when I realized that these different emotions I was experiencing were actually anxiety.
Soon after, my coach encouraged me to take a mental health redshirt for the season. This decision was certainly not an easy one to make. I feared the judgement of others and the perception they would have of me after I told them I was struggling with my mental health.
To others experiencing mental health struggles, the most important thing is always to seek help. Getting help from a professional sports psychologist was one of the best decisions I ever made, even if I was very reluctant at first. I don't know if I would’ve continued playing lacrosse without it.
Mental health is a spectrum, one that looks different in and is uniquely experienced by every individual. I can’t equate what I went through to anyone else’s experience or battle, but I can share my personal experiences with others to play my part in breaking down the stigma around mental health struggles, especially in athletics.
Looking back at my athletic career, I would remind myself to be grateful for every opportunity I’m given and to let go of this idea that everything has to be perfect. My coach at High Point gave me a bracelet after I graduated that says, “When you’re grateful for what you have, you have everything you need.” This concept of gratitude took me a really long time to wrap my head around because it’s so easy to focus on what playing time you don’t have, what sprint you didn’t make, what “A” you didn’t get. But, when you’re so busy stressing yourself out by focusing on all that you don’t have, you truly miss out on all the good you are surrounded by.
Lacrosse taught me discipline, it developed my work ethic, and it taught me the importance of putting the needs of others before your own in order to achieve a shared vision and goal. Without lacrosse and without having the opportunity to train, to compete, to follow, to lead, to fail, and to persevere, I wouldn’t be the same person that I am today. That person is someone I am so proud of.
