Maddie Howe - Notre Dame Lacrosse
From a very young age I knew that sports would be a huge part of my life. Growing up in a suburb of Rochester, NY I played just about every sport I could, but I always say that my first love was for the game of lacrosse. Since I first picked up a lacrosse stick in the first grade, I literally have not put it down. I loved the high-speed nature of the game, the skill required, the physicality, and more importantly I loved the person that I became off the field because of what I learned on the field. To me, it was always more than just a game. Lacrosse gave me confidence and it taught me about hard work, leadership, camaraderie, handling adversity, and blessed me with so many wonderful people in my life while essentially molding me into who I am today.
As a sophomore in high school, I committed to play Division I lacrosse at my dream school, the University of Notre Dame, to continue playing the game I love for as long as possible. But, as I got older and the game became more serious, things became harder and harder. In July of 2014 just after turning 15 years old, I tore my ACL and meniscus in my knee. A few months later, I decided to quit playing other sports besides lacrosse because my health became a serious concern. Two years later, I tore the ACL in my opposite knee during the summer heading into my senior year of high school and was forced to sit out my senior season.
I was, of course, completely devastated, and short on confidence. Freshman year of college is scary for anyone, but more so for me because I was stepping onto a nationally ranked lacrosse program when I had not played lacrosse in months. Completely terrified and determined, I worked harder than I ever had in my life and heading into my first ever lacrosse season at Notre Dame, I was able to make an immediate impact and earn playing time on the field. I was fortunate enough to find a lot of success on the lacrosse field at Notre Dame, but my hardships were not over yet.
In April of my freshman year, I broke my wrist during a game that required another surgery. After that surgery and another round of rehab, I was healthy to return. Sophomore year went by without a hitch but in September of my junior year, I broke my thumb badly enough that it would require another surgery to repair it.
As cliché as it may sound, I always knew that I was meant to be a lacrosse player. I could never picture myself spending my life doing anything else. Lacrosse was always my greatest passion, but also the source of all my hardship.
I am a huge believer in the mantra that everything happens for a reason, but it absolutely tore me apart that the thing I loved most in the world was the source of all my misfortune and misery. Why did this keep happening to me? Was I maybe wrong, maybe lacrosse was not meant for me? How could something I love so much keep causing this much mental, physical and emotional pain? How much more could I truly endure?
It felt like my identity was intertwined with the game for so many years, but now I was beginning to question that. The constant state of being injured significantly impacted my mental and emotional health, not to mention the fact that I would never physically be the same. As a leader on the team, I felt like I could not share these uncertainties with my teammates without appearing weak or ungrateful for all the opportunities I had available to me.
During all these injuries, I had a team alumnus reach out to me and give me a piece of advice that forever changed the way I looked at myself. She told me, “God only gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers” and while I was not a very religious person, this quote still struck me greatly.
I will never be able to fully understand why some things, good or bad, happen to me. The world works in ways we cannot comprehend but all those things happen for a reason. Even though I have had more injuries than I ever thought possible, I am here today because of those injuries.
It is because of those injuries that I am a first team All-ACC selection, an all-American, a member of the greatest women’s lacrosse team in the country, a senior at the greatest university in the world, and surrounded by the best friends and family. Despite everything I have been through, I would not trade any of it away. The past few years have been an absolute rollercoaster, but I am thankful for my experiences and greatly welcome any challenges that I have yet to face.
