You are Enough: Jacey Pederson
I first stepped foot on a soccer field in kindergarten, when “Kinder Soccer” was the thing to be doing. Ironically enough, I hated it and it took me two practices to decide I had had enough and did not want to go back. Fast forward two years, when all of my friends were playing on AYSO teams with each other and I felt left out. So beginning in second grade was when I actually started playing soccer, then in fourth grade I joined a club soccer team and was obsessed from there on.
Growing up I never knew what sport I would want to play in college, but I knew I wanted to play a sport. I dabbled in volleyball, track and field, and softball, but my main two sports were soccer and basketball. Eventually in seventh grade I decided to choose soccer and would then focus all of my attention and time on soccer. I not only liked it the best of all the sports I played, but I also had experienced a little bit of success and felt it was a good choice moving forwards.
When I began looking at schools I wrote a list of characteristics that were important to me; competitive soccer program, above average academics, good weather, and so on. Upon visiting UCLA and attending an ID camp on campus, I immediately recognized that UCLA checked off all of my ideal features of a school and that it was where I wanted to be. I had friends who had committed to UCLA as well, which made it even more appealing.
At the beginning of my junior year (2018), I was finally getting decent minutes and felt like I was performing really well. About three games in I tore my meniscus in my right knee. This resulted in me having to get surgery to shave off the damaged part of my meniscus, leaving me sidelined for five weeks. When I finally was cleared to play again it was nearing the end of October and I only had a few weeks left of my junior season before the NCAA tournament would begin in November. I got to play a handful of minutes in all of the remaining PAC-12 games, but in the week leading up to our first round NCAA game I again managed to injure myself, this time completely tearing the ACL in my left knee.
This was heartbreaking, as I had just worked ceaselessly to get my strength, fitness, and touch back for the past month and a half, only to have it all taken from me. The day I tore my ACL, I received texts and calls from my teammates, coaches, and family that still stick with me today. Without the support from these people I am not sure how I would have done it, and for that I’m forever grateful! The journey to then get back on the field was very long. It took me about 14 months to get fully cleared, which is significantly longer than the average recovery. In addition to the physical recovery being taxing, the mental recovery was also difficult for me and that was a large part of what made the process so difficult for me.
I finally got to play in my first game since the injury on February 7th, 2021, over two years since my last game. I surprisingly was not that nervous, as my team had been playing scrimmages against one another all of fall 2020 leading up to our spring season. Physically and mentally I felt ready, I had prepared the best I could and was ready to finally play. After the game I remember saying to a teammate how fun soccer is and how much I had missed it. It truly made all of the long rehab days, extra running, and tedious COVID protocols worth it.
My family have always been my #1 supporters. When I was too young to be playing my own weekend sports games, I would tag along to the plethora of games that my brothers were participating in. But when I finally started to have my own weekend games, the attendance was reversed and they were the ones coming to my games. Even to this day, my brothers will text me on game days wishing me luck. Because of the large age gap between my brothers and I (6.5 years), I was able to witness their success before I had hit middle school. It did not present to me as pressure, but rather as motivation. My family wanted me to do whatever it was that made me happy and would support me no matter what, regardless of the level I achieved or accolades I received, which allowed me to go at my goals and dreams without hesitation.
If I was to give my younger self any advice, I would tell her to give herself more grace. Much of my career I have been my toughest critic, never feeling satisfied with my performance or progress and always questioning what I could have done better. Although this mindset definitely benefited me in some ways, I also believe it drained me in ways. Physically and mentally it was fatiguing to be constantly worrying about what I could be doing to get better, as opposed to accepting where I was and focusing on the things I could control, which would have been a much better way to use my mental energy.
I have seen this trend throughout Women’s sports, where us female athletes are often too hard on ourselves, failing to realize the importance of self-acceptance and self-love. So, I guess this message would not only be for my younger self, but all younger female athletes out there who are struggling with not thinking they are good enough. I want you to know that you are enough, that your performance does not equal your worth and that loving yourself is really tough, but really worth it.
